Tokyo Ghoul (c) Ishida Sui
Times passed by in every seconds and each minutes like a jingle bell all the way. Ringing and swinging happily without giving any single damn care to the problems the people had to go through. A very best way to mock me eventually. My work desk were in a huge mass of mess. It was not like the entire me. I might have been run into some far place beyond my own path. Neither me or Tooru took bites of words. The silence had drown me into the deepest part of ocean. My deep blue sorrow.
I came back from our unexpected end of conversation with a blank expression. Just like mummy with no will to live. Tooru's eyes were full of questions. And this stupid fake smiles once again had saved my day. At the other hand, Shirazu had no idea of what exactly happened between me and this sweet grean peas boy. He clicked his tongue and stay still. But I knew Urie might realized something. He just too busy nagging and digging holes from other people business.
And he came. Showing his cold piercing eyes to my less excitement expression. It was him. My one sided never be mine. Arima Kishou.
The only thing I did to hide my so trouble face was pretending to read my papers. Though, sometimes I tried to steal a glance over my PC monitor to see his perfect shape of frame. From the tip of his nose, the edges of his white hair, the specs he wore, and the tight black tie inside his own pitch dark formal coat. I did not expect my knuckles turned white.
The sound of quiet steps left me with one dying wish.
I just wanted to let my tears falling crazy.
Love would always be my enemy. It never worked well. To my pitiful life.
I blame my own simple pathetic wish.
But the creep sound of laugh and cry were the last thing I ever did right at the middle of this busy society.
My hands did what my heart can't. Wiping the single dew that starting to flow by the wind. Sniffing soundless.
----
I had to finish lots pile of papers until eleven p.m. The best salvation to erase a big wave of chaotic turbulence inside my brain. But, none of the numbers, letters, or bubbles could possibly turn over my mood swing disorder. It got worsen every second I tried to open my new document files. This room space of work were sheepishly lack of light now. Better got back home before my imagination run wild.
Five minutes later, I closed all of the still-opened work screen. And the apple icon showed on once time.
I sighed. Messing up my black and white coated hair like a scizophrenic one. I've ruined everything in one day. But still, I was still so confused by lots of question. Those question uproar and struggling so badly to be freed from my tight chest. Anything beyond the boy with snow white hair who already put me in despair mode. With words only.
It must be the curse of sadistic Queen Jadis. For me. Like it would happen.
I closed my knit pocket agenda book and leaving my rolling chair with a big yawn. Squeezing an empty box of Moo Moo milk from the drinking coin machine that I'd just bought. Making a not very cool toss in to the trash bin. Talking a wobble steps to the bus stop. Waiting patiently.
The last bus of the night would come much sooner.
The sound of stopping wheels woke me up. I made another big yawn and getting into the bus can.
Oddly, I still remember how the sky of the last weeks of spring and its sunny breeze felt on my skin. Sometimes, it creep under my belly and rising till the tip of my fingers. The feelings were so real yet it was almost telling a good lie. Even the smells or the people. Autumn would be coming soon. It started to thrill my heart.
The cold fibrated from the bus window to my thin wrist. One last person who sit quietly. Wheels of journey brought me back to my past. But the silent over me and freezing sensation lead me to watch the near midnight view of Tokyo. As I was looked straight at a one of still lighted spot out there, my mind went trouble once again. With no hesitation, I pushed the stop button right beside my own chair. The sound of creaking wheels did not make my crunbling feet stop to move. My legs might get little cramped but this insanity forced me so sudden.
"I-I am sorry! May I drop by in here? I know it's not the right stops but...."
The tired face of ojii-san who drove my late night go home bus pinched me little bit. I felt so terrible. But the bus cab slowed down vigorously. The opening door was seen like a runaway gate of freedom to me. So, I ran while shouting my umpteenth time of sorry. He bow his head a bit, so did I. Smiling. I stepped down without noticing how cold the night air would be and I nearly dropped my blue scarfs by running so wildly. I ran and kept running. Few more blocks from the last spot I caught a glimpse. Under the lighted pole. A boy with black vest gakuran. Did not even care about himself in the middle of freezing night. Trying to let himself freed so desperately from a weird guy with purple hair.
Just me and me only.
The me and my clumsy knuckles.
The pitiful punches.
Strike right through the cheeks.
He fell down. With a confusing look.
That boy was running. No.
I took him with me. After doing some forceful kick. Directly onto that bastard's leg.
Pulling his skinny wrist and running. Emerging the night breeze. Fuzzing around like street cats.
I dare not see his face. Not even once. Since... my legs could not stop running though I almost lost my breath away. Anaerobic reaction started to dwell inside lower parts of my extremities. So painful.
Yet, quiet content.
And we stopped.
Right on the sandy playing park. Mesmerized by sudden wave of pain.
"Ouuuch!"
That was my first response after releasing my strong grip from his bony wrist.
I collapsed. Falling and stumbling and gasping for a need of oxygen to my weak lungs. Breathing harshly. My chest moved up and down fast. The rough surface of tiny rocks and sands below my clothed back unavoidable hurt but unfortunately, this sleepy urges was much worse. I never run with so much anger and fear like this before. And I might get flu due to my stupid action back then.
I forgot that I was not alone in here. My eyes still kept staring at the night sky of spring. Very clear with no stars right away. Ah, it must have been caused by the Autumn early attack. So I guess.
The last blink of mine had been ease by a different view. A face of shadow. No. A plain expression added by a soft smile.
"Really. Have I told you to mind your own business and stay away from me? Or, your brain is already broken or what? Cause it seems you're one of so many boring office dudes who love their perfect and peaceful life and won't even dare to see or touch a filthy brats like me. I though you catch my warning quickly. Are you nuts? Or, are you... the one who Touka always spits about?"
My eyebrows winced. Questionable looks resonated from my half closed eyes. All I was able to figure out only a shadow of his petite face, hidden by the shining moon above us. The magic spells silently reflected from his sparkling yet sad pair of greyish diamonds. His charming eyes. Bind me. Strangulate me. Killing me. Inch by inch.
The tick of clocks merely stopped.
My fingers moved to grasp his arm. Trying to say something verbally. Through this cold lips.
"Are you okay?"
Three words only. With not so much energy.
It's okay if you hate me now. It's just fine. Since... I did not want to say lies with this hurt feelings anymore.
No single letters even nod he made. So I closed my eyes back. Laughing ironically.
I felt he rest his black dyed nail on top of his folded legs. Sitting silently right beside my spinning head. And the edges of snow white hair of his own lulled me into a nice sleep. Touching my cheeks and the tip of my cold nose. I smiled weakly and losing my consciousness.
Please, let me rest for a bit. Without nightmares of me drowning so deeply inside the pitch dark of lonely ocean.
And all I could remember was a slight whisper and soft caress on my forehead.
'What a strange guy.'
"Yeah. I am fine. Thanks."
I was glad to hear that.
And now, everything turned black. No more nightmares nor a helpless burden feeling.
Should I still keep this unrequited feelings toward you?
Ne, Arima-san?
----
Another short one.
[to be continued]
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