TG: re (c) Ishida Sui
The seasoning air smelled so fresh and it had to be the finest reason why people choose to spend their afternoon time outdoor. I never felt so relaxed by only sniffing a cup of lovely cotton blue ice cream. It started to melt and I needed to take my first sip. Ice cream and me were never be a good pals. Since I was in my pre schooling period, my Mum would always dissociate me with this kind of sweet beverages. Well, I used to have a terrible habit with sugar cubes and candies. Dentists were the most persons I'd ever hated in my first life of ages. But as a matter of fact, caries are even worse. So, here I was. Sitting silently while taking a big spoon of my first ice cream. Oh dear, it's too sweet. Just like everybody said on adv.
Others might think otherwise. What exactly did a guy in black shirt whose had a pathetic shape across his pitiful face do with a high school boy with so many ages behind him? A kidnapping, perhaps? Or maybe... a pretending play game with me as his babysitter? Those are not possible. Truthfully, a boy who kept coming to my every night's sleep just forced me to buy him a big bucket of Baskin Robbin's ice cream.
We took a walk not too far from cafeteria which we both left so quietly. The white silence between us collapsed my confident. He made his step so fast and we were two or three meters distance away now. Young people was sure full of energy. It sounded so ridiculous but I kept smiling. Nevertheless, everytime I stole a glance over my own cup to see his small and petite curves, the expression on his face told the opposite way. He seemed not quiet enjoy his own ice cream. So, I stopped and putting my half melting ice cream back on the table that separating us. The heat of spring changed his skin color. It did not look so pale anymore.
The long eyelashes moved slowly, following every blinks of his half lidded eyes. The resonance of tingling sensation over me could not even change his point of gaze. He was thinking too deep and I felt no excuse to force him talking openly. He might not be a type with talkative one. Beside, I listened to the sound of every noises around me. Being busy.
And suddenly, a memory came to my frontal lobes. The scenes when I accidently spotting him doing this or that with a purple hair dude a week ago. Across that street. Maybe I could ask him--
"Do I know you?"
I lifted my eyebrows few inches. The words were swallowed back inside my throat. Enclosed by super large of meatball.
His cat-pupils eye shot right through me. Sitting casually with his back leaned on the seat. The black dyed nail rest on his chin, swaying lazily and finally landing on his thin pale lips.
I tried to manage my voice calmly. It was not a conversation where long arguments stayed still forever. Take it easy, I breathed away and offering my friendly smile though my nervousness stung me a bit. I might even looked like a walking board now. My body straightened so stiff.
"Umm, I've already told you when we were still in the cafeteria. Err, we met at the bus stop where I bumped you and I dropped my cellphone and you were talking so nice and in a proper language. And, and..."
And now he winced his eyebrows. Folding his arms and waiting my next words.
But nothing came through.
This awkwardness stumbled me into tons of bricks. I could not even look him back with the same straight eyes. The buzzes beetles swing inside my stomach like roller coaster.
"This is not the way it works in here, Mr--how should I call you?"
Did he just ask my name? Oh, oh.
"Haise! Sasaki Haise! But you can call me Haise, just Haise, or Haise with -kun or whatever you want. Or, Sassan. One of my co-worker usually uses that silly nickname to me. Ha-ha."
I must kick Shirazu's leg by the time I met him after this. God, I was so ultimately dumb.
I burst almost everything from my short term memory. I spilled it, with a speed of sound--perhaps. Like a silly boy who had just met a beautiful young lady with snow white hair. I hid my trembling fingers on top of my lap though my pursed lips kept twitching. I found his blank space expression beyond my Baskin Robbins' ice cream cup. The next chirp sound was his small pfft plus a smirk on the lips.
"Okay, Mr. Haise or just Haise. May I know how old are you now?"
Was that a tricky question? Because I saw he was having fun right now.
"Twenty six on this winter, I guess."
"You guess? So, you don't remember the exact year you were born, huh? It does make sense since..." He started to stare at me with an observing sharp eyes. I gulped. "...the black suit that you wear today has a different way of telling the truth. You must be a very busy man behind the screen with no much holidays neither something important to spend along with. Too pity."
As a matter of fact, he did a good observation. Ah, he was much more talkative now although I felt there was undeniable horrifying sensation with this conversation.
"Well, I do have!" I stated miraculously. Straight forward without bursting it out aloud like I did few minutes ago. "It might be my birthday commemoration, christmas day, Obon, new years eve, and so on. If that's what you mean."
"Heh, sounds so much fun."
"Ha ha. Umm, how about you? I mean, how old are you now?"
"As you can see through my gakuran. Honestly, you just treat a sixteen your old boy with a full bowl of ice cream."
Dang! Ten years old younger than me. So, I was right from the start.
I tried another complex question.
"Mm, so you liked ice cream very much, ne? By the way, do you have some particular hobbies, like umm maybe..." Ah, I saw a man captured the view of cherry blossom tree with his cool camera lens. "...photograph?"
"Nope. I hate boring things, especially photograph."
Oh, is that so?
And I heard a long sighed. The tip of his long black nail fingers made a tapping sound on the table. While resting his chin lazily.
Did I show my disappointment with obvious look?
"Do you really wanna know what I like most beside ice cream, Mr. Haise?"
The way his half lidded eyes gazed upon me changed drastically. Staring blankly on something which never exist in this world. Each blinks of his eyes showed enormous emotions, much more like despair rather than happiness itself. What kind of agony that he hid so perfectly behind those unwillingly smile, by the way. I might not be a very good observant but the sadness or loneliness clouded over his face looked so real. A sixteen year old teenager whose I knew nothing about him, even at this odd occasion. A rebellious one with a nicest manner of speech.
A creepy smile formed at each side of his one lined lips. Just like somebody else had taken over his body.
"I love having a fatty creamy dick inside my sinful hole and of course, screw around with adult men like you, Mr. Haise."
The each words he just said made shivers through my spine terribly. The proper manner of speech that I used to impressed with was already gone. He put a strong venom through his lulled voice. My eyes could not blink ever once.
"Screw... Screw around?"
A free laugh escaped like a sudden thunder. Locking me into a silent mode.
"Right. As you can see, this kind of endless chitchat sounds no more fun, Mr. Haise. Wasting my not so much free time. Those grumpy teachers sure will kick my ass.
It's totally a bizarre feeling held my breath now. The same urges that made me running shameless from the 2 meters depth of my elementary school' summer pool. The sensation of drowning until your lungs cried for oxygen was something beyond my excitement of the summer breeze. He wanted me to dismiss and forget that day. Okay, I got it. Maybe I'd been a strange nuisance for him.
Long pause.
And his phone rang.
He picked his phone up. But oddly, he made a clicked sound with his tongue entire times. And, some harsh voice or more like disapproval words ended his phone call session. I did not know what kind of expression I made on my face right now.
He took his bag right away and standing up. Letting his ice cream melting like syrup water. The pierced eyes watched me intently. I kept my mouth shut.
"I hope you're not too carried away with this situation. I am not a you-may-think a delinquent type of high schooler boy with a proper language. No. I am not even closer to that title. But still, thanks for the ice cream."
The soft smile, the pure one, was the one I waited from him for the second time God's wisdom decided to reunite us. And, it just happened. But, I swear, it must be the last genuine smile which he would show to me. Or, a sign of goodbye.
"And anyway, I've mentioned about me being a delinquent with sweet tongue. In fact, I am a shitty brat who loves fucking or being fucked. It's disgusting, right? So, do not ever trying to find me again if you still want to stay in one piece meat. You could endanger your own self by getting too close to me."
Endanger my own self? What did even suppose mean?
"Wa-wait!"
I hadn't even asked him my first motive by following him wherever he wanted to go. My mind stopped working normally. By any chance, he just left without giving any excuses to me. With a stupid reflexes from my clumsy and silly brain-body coordination, I grabbed his wrist. Imagining his angry face while staring back at me. This hesitating yet restless night must be ended soon.
"Just wait, please."
The clicked sound from his red tongue stopped me talking so bluntly. I found a trouble yet confusing expression behind his fierce attitude toward me. The question popped out.
"I admit that I do not know anything about you. And it's all me and my egoistical said who always pushes me to have... this kind of hope. Call me weirdo or a nuisance and I know you will think same way. B-but, I need to ask you before you leave. Honestly, this question has haunted me umpteenth time. Spinning inside my brain. So, please. Wait."
I felt he loosened his strong yet delicate wrist from my grip.
"Go on. Say what you want."
I gulped couple times. Dropping my head down. Waiting until my stupid beating heart calmed.
And, I opened my mouth.
"I-I saw you were walking across a street a week ago at the middle of lunch break time. And I--" I bit my lips hard. "--And I saw you kissing a guy with ugly purple hair back then. Was-was he... did you... I-I mean..."
A shocked expression was seen too clearly on both of his piercing eyes. Widening his eyeballs and freeze like a statue. I thought I'd just made mistakes. A very big mistake ever. No more ice cream as payment anymore. The hatred seemed so real now.
I released my not so strong grip from his skinny wrist. Only bone with no muscles.
"I-I am sorry. I didn't mean..."
"Heh, that's exactly I want to tell you, Mr. Haise. The truth. The facts about me. Yeah, you're right. I was kissing that lunatic obsessive guy among so many people around me at the busy street. But he was nothing compared to other people that may hurt or even kill another mercilessly. This is a warning, Mr. Haise. Forget everything or anything about your feelings toward me. I know it.
...since, this strange poisonous gift of mine would lure anyone into their own death."
Deep blue sea.
The black deep blue see.
"Why?"
"Huh?"
Should I let my tears flow?
"Why did you do that?"
"Why did you have to do that?"
"Do you even love those guys?"
"Do you even know what may happen to you when you do that?"
"Do you even--"
It was so frustrating. I could not stop talking. Babbling incoherently.
"Why is a very annoying question ever, Mr. Haise. Beside, you don't even know a single goddamn thing about me. So, stop asking and just take care of your so peaceful and harmony live."
The painted eyes and cold face distorted by the sudden wave of reality. It slapped right onto my cheeks double times. I know nothing about life and its biggest secrets. The dorky and clumsy spectacles little boy was still in there. Inside my twenty six of plain fate. The world I'd seen was too different. And the last thing I did only close my eyes so tight, so the fear of leaving the shores were thousands mile far away. I was still the naive brat who knew nothing. Nothing.
Nothing.
Letting him go. Flew.
While I was still stuck on my trembling legs.
It's nearly 3 and there would be some angry companions that I need to face
I remember the worrying face of Tooru. I clenched my black shirt, right from the way my chest burnt. My emotional state was sure deep below.
All I could say was...
"I am sorry."
----
A very short one. Sorry.
[to be continued]
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