[Snowy Breeze] II : Snow White

TG:re (c) Ishida Sui

It must have been so nice when we were just being a teenage with no worries nor burdens to be carried on our shoulders forever. Hanging around with school mates, getting into school clubs, laughing after the end of exams, dating a beautiful girl and losing your virginity. The last one might sound so awful. I mean, not every girls in high school agreed with sex before married phenomena. They picked it randomly just for having fun and some new experiences with their reproductive organs. Biology and sex ed were good enough to teach those brats of how spending your puberty time wisely.

This's why I always be and will always be a sidekick one. The cornered guy with books and glasses while everybody enjoyed their youth happily. Plenty things I've ever imagined for my own self but none of them suitable enough for me to do. I looked up the sky and behind the teary window of this bus that brought me to my future life. Love story never ended well for me. The imaginary scenes of me being one of them--that whitey paled hairy boy companions--just would never existed. So, I stop daydreaming about it.

I sighed. A lot.

Some things worked only for people like me. Besides, some seasons would cherish my day.

---

I must be trapped in freezing mode and going out of space for couple minutes. The water drops from my ice cold glass made my hands twitching. The high-pitched voice of an old lady behind the phone that I held for few seconds sounded more like kitties fighting roars. I do not know what's really happening to my psychology healthy now. I do remember my clumsiness getting worsen each hours this day. My bus stopped by right fifty meters from my company field and yet, I nearly fell off only from my own foot. Luckily, no one saw this embarrassing view of mine. Not quiet long after that, Mutsuki Tooru, the sweet little guy with greeny sleeves just said hello, good morning to me while I just waiting for my coffee blends from drink-can machine. And do you want to know what happened next? The not so awareness-me let the cart slipped from my hands and making Tooru's best sweeter got wet with chocolate brown of coffee.

I felt so ashamed and umpteenth time of apologize would not even made the situation getting better. Now, too many eyes watching me with disgust look on their faces. I knew it. I even let my mind went wildly through black hole when few sheets of  papers which I hoped I hold it carefully fell like rain.

The noises behind the phone became a silent innuendo.

I saw that white snowy strands again and suddenly, my twitching hands nor voices of angry people smashed by giant rockets. Disappear like ashes.

Everything was a silent plea. At least, for me.

It wasn't that mysterious boy. It was...

...someone who would always stay forever in my heart.

Every steps he made sounds so quiet and peaceful. The overflowing charisma from a gentle and honorable man. He might be six years older than me but everyone inside this super huge company always be mesmerized of how this man showed his self. The man of my long period unrequited love. So, be it.

He stopped few inches from me who standing stupidly with so many things on my hands. Even the sheets of paper which I should have given to Hirako before nine, and my lucks befallen from my side, one by one. The fifteen minutes of late will surely contributing of Hirako Take's madness for a whole weeks. I knew it. I just knew it very well. When it would be so easy to know that by seeing the wrinkles over Hirako's face right now. The trusty man of our number one supervisor was standing behind Arima Kishou. His existence sucked all of the oxygen around me.

"I-I-I am so sorrry! I'm sorry, Arima-san. I just got carried away when-err-when--and this is my mistakes! I'm truly sorry."

Why did I apologize to him for the first place? Did I really make mistakes? Just by dropping my own paperworks and letting everyone saw my clumsiness?

Those pierced diamond eyes shot right through me and my pride just being engulfed by then.

I prayed silently, please do not point your gaze like that. My eyes became hazy and the last thing I ever did only biting my own lips. To kill this awkward moment, I decided to fold my knees. Collecting the sheets one by one. My eyes kept locked down below. I do not have any strength to uphold my head. It's too embarrassing and I was scared.

What if...

"You did your job very well, Haise-san. I heard it from Hirako-san few minutes ago. One of the stock holder who you pursued a week ago called me deliberately this morning. He told me about your reports about the markets managerial. It's so detail and carefully attached. My assistant' decision to promoting your rank is not a mistake. It's worthy for all of you ever done for this company."

I stopped breathing and waiting for two delicate yet strong hands handle me few sheets of paper which I suppose collecting by my own self. He even lowered his body so he might see my troubling face right now. His eyes are like diamond shaped that could barely killed you by any seconds you stared at them closely. He had a quiet long eyelashes which looked so beautiful from this sight. I grasped my own shirts and waiting and hoping. As a matter of fact, I might die from those locks. The knitted loose strands of those charming whitey hair almost touched my stupid black and white one. The bad genes which I owned since I was born always makes fool of me. And now, I hate it even worse. It hurts yet so dreadfully good.

"Now, would you mind to stand up and smile to them? They may look jealous yet so proud of you."

I couldn't see his face from this gap so close. It's too wrong. He is my boss and I can't have this un-fixable ever lasting unrequited feels for him. It's too wrong...

Yet, I did what he wanted. I smiled. Clumsily. Again. Again. The sounds of whispers nor applause couldn't change the storm of my heart. It crumbles my tiny heart like a mash potatoes grilled.

He gave me the rest of the falling sheets. He excused himself without smile. Only two caring patted above my head. Just like a father to his son. A superior to his inferior. Not more, not less.

Hirako left and following Arima's side without giving me any signs of anger. He nodded to me when I fixated my eyes on Arima's back. The path he made surely like the sheath of cherry blossom petals. The aura which resounding him felt so chilly and looked so pitched dark, but he was the one who flows like a tree. Living and giving a live. But, my heart aches so much. It yelled and kept yelling like a havoc. And now, I might be daydreaming to much.

Closing this lonely road, I needed to go back to who I was before I turned into some lustful man eater. It's totally wrong. So, here I am. Being a nerd and just a nerd. The black space of my work fields relaxed me a bit. So, I pushed myself to form a genuine fake smile. And, sometimes it just worked.

My butt did miss the glitched sound over my old rolling chair. Without warning, one grinning-shark-teeth guy came up behind the board divider. He let his smile even wider.

"Hi, Shirazu-san." said me, little bit startled. I just turned on my flat monitor PC. Waiting the apple icon showing on the screen. My fingers trembled. "A very nice day to finish some papers, isn't it?"

Shirazu Ginshi was one of others who were placed around my work space. He was right behind of my desk. I often felt so nervous every time he showed me his grinning teeth. I did have terrible memories with sharks or jaws or something related to that. And he just reminded me one of those kinds. This guy folded his arms so he could see my un-interesting face closely. And laughing.

"What?"

He shrugged and pointing his finger toward me, making a bush bush whistle while forming oh-it-might-bu-gun shape with his hand. "You damn so cool, y'know that, ne Sassan. I won't have any doubts if soon that four eyes with stoic cold face guy chooses you to be his new assistant. That wrinkle ossan is not classified enough to be Arima's trustworthy man anymore. All he can do is yelling and yelling to us. On the next season, I'm gonna pick your name on whatever stupid board of workers of the year. You suit best of them all."

"Err, haha. Well, should I say thank you?" Oh, the apple icon already showed on the screen but why on earth I got blank page? Not my documents field but my mind.

"Sure of. I bet it. 20 bugs if you dare, Kukicchi."

Kuki Urie made an angry snapped voice with his mouse pad. These guys always in havoc mode and sharing same difficult situation. Well, in literally meant. I ever found both of them were caught in fighting at the meal table. Running crazy just for a single melon bread. I knew they were just promoted to get higher rank this year. Wondering if ages might show how people' brain worked. Indeed, they weren't an adult enough. Do I pardon myself for becoming a respectable adult man? Well, I felt so granted but it didn't change the fact that both of these guys had already girlfriends to be living with. And, I'm still stuck in here on whatever shameful life I enjoyed.

"Shirazu-san, Urie-san, would you mind to stop fighting? Ms. Mado is coming over."

I heard Mutsuki Tooru talked with almost whispering mice sound. The way he spoke sound so enormous sweet. On top of that, he was the one with the best instinct and today whenever I tried to smile to him, all he could do is dropping his head down. Now, I need to pay my mistakes earlier to him with a new sweater or... else. Maybe something related to green.

And the thoughts of green brought me into a two bored eyes that staring me so intently. Akira Mado left a trail of excusing when he saw me right at the lunch break.

"Feel like having a cup of ocha with me?"

This scary face woman was the one who always made me landed onto new planets. Thought she's not a permanent worker at this company, she sometimes bought her free times coming here and doing this and that. Well, it's never been a wondering before since she's going to marry Arima Kishou. Who knows she had a superb plan for her wedding with him. The first meeting of both of us was currently unexpected. Funny and stupid. She was my first client whom I needed to get along with so her father's company would join together with Kishou's real estate business.

The first trial failed so terrible but after the bowling-drunk-party incident, we did have a good friendship ever since. At least, I do not have any single hatred toward her. Not a jealousy nor a chance to killing her as my biggest rival of love. It never happened once in awhile. The harshness she had inside her self indulges meld into one with her true nature. I like the other side of her. Although, she always left the last minutes of our lunch break with the stories of her so ill father.

She succeed 'kidnapping' me and finally we had a short lunch break outside the office area. It looked different but nice. She knew how I love to choose a place where there would be books and books from universe surrounding me. It was close enough to reach heaven for me. Living in a world where reality was millions years behind us.

"What is that now?" she asked while drinking her ocha quietly.

"Hm?"

"The book's title. It sounded so trouble. For me, of course."

A servant came with a pan of veggies pizza. A woman in diet is sure a beautiful yet scary one. I kept staring on the few first pages of Franz Kafka' Metamorphosis book. A very intellectual and terrifying story.

"Well, it's a lousy book for a lousy man like me, Akira-san. Trust me. I bet you even do not want to hear the synopsis."

Akira raised both of her hands as high as her head. The signs of giving up. "I hate scientific and too much words book. That's why my father always shouted on me like crazy goofy oldman when I was just in high school. No wondering I'm stupid enough in maths. But do not ask me of how stock market could make an elevating score with algorithms formula. I just knew it."

"Haha. You're the best with those things, Akira-san."

Oh, here it is. She just started the 'real' conversation.

Few minutes, it seemed she let me went far beyond off the shores. Few pages and pages run fast and I almost forget to eat my own dishes. Franz Kafka was sure one of the genius. Most of his books got famous right after his death.

The soundless words calmed my loneliness and put me inside the comfy zone. Voices of people buzzes begone by Chopin's Etude. Big piles of books was the wall of my salvation. It drifted my mood. The tick tock time did not make me even worry about anything. By reading books, I knew there was another life I should fight for and not for daydreaming about. Even about love itself. I just felt so blessed and no more frightening eyes or expression of a man or a boy with pale hair. But why, Franz Kafka' Metamorphosis was not be able to remove this suffocating feeling of mine?

Akira watched me so deeply. Through her blue sky eyes. Like trying to shred me into tiny pieces of meat. Only blinks twice or three times in a minute. Scary.

"You're in trouble. I just found it from your twitching eyes. Sooo, what's up?"

I smiled. Still a fake one.

"Where do you get that assumption? I'm fine, really. You're over thinking, I guess. The one who looks more trouble rather than me is you, Akira-san."

She held her chin with her right palm and kept watching me with so much force. Until I found no longer interested with the book on my lap, she stared blankly on to another spot. "Yeah, maybe you are right. I'm just thinking too much. And it makes me crazy enough to leave my engagement stuffs just like that. Well, you know. I never wanted this married. Me marry a man like Arima Kishou. That's crazy. Too hideous! I mean, I do not hate him but what is it about if you just kiss and shouting a vow to somebody you do not even know for the rest of your life? I-I am not like those stupid and silly women out there. Whose the magz always says many women would like to climb and fall from the top of the hill just for having a nice conversation with Arima Kishou? Oh, come on.  The Arima Kishou I knew is far beyond perfection. He is just... just..."

"An ordinary guy with full of sins yet seemingly look like a saint."

I've known this story long before we both get close. Right at the middle of our drunk session. She confessed everything to me and now she was telling me again. A cry from a dead drunk women was a forgotten story that wished to be gone soon. I listened to it, every pieces until I didn't want to wake up anymore.

"And that's one of the the hundreds reasons I have to leave him. No. The main reason of the top reasons why I have to rejoice my own father's decision. His illness always be the one that creeping me out. How am I supposed to run? Nope, I can't run. Never be."

A taunted smirks. It slapped my face couple times. Hence I was born as girl, I still did not find any interest into this kind of conversation. Or got little bit jealous. But, I never admit it to myself. I just sit there, waiting patiently until the next sighed of her trouble words emerged. I gave my smile. The one with so much fake. And pretending I was all right since the beginning. It took me ten seconds to look other than her face whose flushing with anger and despair. The window glass showed the busy road of Tokyo. And I might have some weird visions again. But I saw it.

'It' appeared to be a young boy with black gakuran. The same boy I bumped into this morning at the bus stop. The snowy white hair boy. He was standing alone beside the traffic light pole. I knitted my eyebrows so I could see better of what he was doing while waiting the green light. He looked busy with his phone and not quiet long after that, he...

"Should we come back? It's almost one past forty."

One past forty. One past forty.

It even hadn't reached the school 'go home' time.

I freeze like a snow man.

"Haise, Haise. What are you looking at?"

I saw he walked by when the green light passed the people. Right at the opposite road, he met a guy with a weird costume. Red with blue line clothes or rather like stupid tuxedo. A very tall guy with ugly purple hair. And... wait. They seemed so close. What actually did they do? Were they--were they just kissing?

"...Haise? Haise!"

"Err, yeah?"

 "And now I know you're the one who look much more trouble than me. Is there something you need to see?"

Akira's voice resolute in maximum volume and Franz Kafka's book fell from my lap. She was right. The one who were so damn trouble was me. And, the reason of all of this shitty trouble of mine was definitely people with snowy white hair.

I admitted that I just hate Snow White.

[to be continued]